Friday, February 10, 2017

When Georgy Met Donny: A Satirical Tête-à-Tête Between 43 and 45


43: Just wanted to call and say thanks, dude!

45: Oh brother! (45 lets out a big sigh)… Thanks for what, George?

43: Dude, you are makin’ me look like a genius.

45: Really? Everyone thought you were a buffoon and the media might hate me, but the people think I’m the smartest president ever!

43: Dude, dude, duuude… (43 pauses for effect)… get your head outta your dumb ass! You… (45 cuts him off)

45: Excuse me, excuse me, George!  First of all… I’d never do that to my hair… also, I’m, like I said, a smart person.

43: Donald, get a grip?  You’re being a major a*@hole – big time, like my Veep Dick would say… (45 cuts him off)

45: Why, George, why?

43: The Muslim ban – even I thought you were showboating during the primaries!  But seriously, you put Iraq on the list?  Do you even know that our soldiers are still in Iraq? That we are about to retake Mosul?

45: George, don’t get me started on Iraq – WMD… gimme a break!  You took us into Iraq, which I warned about back then many, many times… it’s on tape, check it out?  Anyway, you started a war in Iraq because you wanted to one up your Dad… and in doing so, you f$%&*d up the entire Middle East!

43: Listen dude, I made a big mistake listening to Dick’s cabal and their BS… (43 pauses to let 45 take it in)… but then why are you messin’ with Iran… and what’s “puttin’ Iran on notice” mean anyway?  Is that like Obama’s redline, he-he… (45 cuts him off)

45: Very funny, George!  You’re the guy who put Iran on an “axis of evil” – and let them just remain there… now Obama has given them a sweetheart deal like you did with North Korea, the other member of your axis!  Coddling doesn’t work, George!

43: But you keep telling the world I made a big mistake in Iraq and you want to repeat that in Iran?

45:  I’m not going to war with Iran, OK?  But nothing is off the table… can we change the subject?

43: To what… Australia?  He-he… (45 cuts him off)

45: Not funny, George, do you want me to hang up on you like I did with that Aussie?

43: Dude, just chill, would ya?  Listen to your Veep – that Pence fella, he is a good egg!  He’s done such a great job in Indiana… it’s become just like it was in the good old days… (45 cuts him off)

45: George, I got this.  The American people voted for me in record-breaking numbers because they wanted a winner.  They got a winner, there is going to be so much winning, they’re gonna get tired of winning… (43 cuts him off)

43: Look dude, you didn’t win the popular vote – Hillary did! In fact, you even got less overall votes than Mitt!  So you’re a loser there, Donny boy, he-he!

45:  George, you know I could have won the popular vote but for a massive fraud of 3 to 5 million votes in Hillary’s states?

43: Yeah, sure… I lost the popular vote by only ½ million and even I didn’t make such a horseshit claim, Donny!

45: Whatever, George… that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Look, I built the most successful business enterprise on the planet and I am gonna do the same for America.  I am going to make America… (43 cuts him off)

43: Save it, dude!  That’s a great slogan but looking at the first two weeks, I’d say you’ve just made America a bit worse! 

45: Whoa! Look who’s talking – remember that “big time” turd you left behind and had Obama clean up?  Now Barack cleaned up your mess all right, but he’s a liberal p@#$y and all he wanted was more government, more regulations, and healthcare for all… that’s no way to grow the economy!  You should know that, George?

43: So dude, you think by imposing tariffs on Mexican goods, mis hermanos mexicanos, you are going to grow the economy?

45: WTF George… (45 lets out loud groan) I don’t understand Mexican, OK?

43: He-he… Look dude, the Wall is a terrible idea and Mexico will never pay for it! 

45: We’ll see about that George?  It’s all because of that lousy NAFTA deal your Dad negotiated way back when… (43 cuts him off)

43: Look dude; keep my Pappy outta this, OK?  How about your badly executed Muslim ban… (45 cuts him off)

45: George, stop calling it that… I am not banning Muslims!

43: Hey, smarty-pants, you’ll learn soon enough that inside the beltway, perception is all that matters.  Perception is reality in Washington D.C.!  If the mainstream media is calling it a ban, it is a ban. Period.  He-he! (long pause) Anywho, Hannity and Fox cannot change that – wake up, smell the fresh hummus waftin’ from the food trucks on Pennsylvania Avenue, and lift the ban.

45: George, it’s not gonna happen… but tell me, not that I care… (45 pauses briefly) what do you think of Neil Gorsuch?

43: Hey, I put Neil on the Appeals Court; he’s a good guy!  But the Dems are pissed because of Mitch’s shabby treatment of Merrick.  You gotta throw ’em a bone, Donny… talk to ’em like I used to.  Chuck and you go a long way; give him a call…

45: Chucky is a monster and a fake!  He can, as Dick said, “Go f%*& himself!”  

43: Big mistake, dude… but like I said you’re makin’ me look good, so whatever. Ciao!

45: Hey, George… let me tell you something – you can never look good, so I’ve got nothing to worry about… (43 hangs up, but 45 continues)  Do me a favor and tell low-energy Jeb, “I did insult my way to the presidency! So there, Loser!  And, I’m going to insult my way, all the freakin’ way, through it as well!”


(45 slams the phone into its cradle for dramatic effect and his staff bursts into applause.)

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